My Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) Pregnancy

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In August of 2018, my husband Ryan and I got married. Four short weeks later we found out we were pregnant. We were excited, slightly terrified, and all the feelings you can feel when you get that surprising positive pregnancy test. We were currently living in Hilo, Hawai’i while Ryan was an electrical apprentice with demanding hours and I had multiple job interviews set up for hospitals with registered classes for a nursing program. I quickly turned down job interviews I had set up because I figured no one would want to hire someone that will go on maternity leave in 9 months. I made plans to drop out of school so I could stay home with baby. Things started looking like they could work with a baby when all of the sudden it hit me. 5 weeks into being pregnant, nausea on a level I had not known before. I ran to the bathroom and it was as if I could not throw up hard enough (too much info right?). After about a 20 minute session, I fell back into bed and thought, “Maybe this is the worst of it, nothing could top that.”. Unfortunately, that was not the case.  Another 20 minutes pass and I find myself hugging that loyal toilet bowl. First off, I’d never though I’d call a toilet loyal, but man, it had my back. 30 minutes pass and now I’m thinking, “This has to be a stomach bug! Theres no way you can have morning sickness this bad”. I only ever heard of women getting slightly nauseated and maybe a puke (or spit up) here and there. I quickly texted my nurse friend and told her what was going on. She assured me that it most likely isn’t a bug and to hang in there. I pleaded so hard with God that it would be over soon but again, that was not the case. That was going to be my season of life for the next 20 weeks.

6 weeks pass and I’m finally at my first OB appointment. I was pale, 10 pounds smaller, and unamused. My doctor could tell right away all I was there for was some kind of relief for nausea. He looked at me and said “It looks like you have an HG pregnancy”. Hyperemesis Gravidarum affects less than 200,000 pregnant women a year. I can’t even tell you that it’s morning sickness on steroids because its way beyond “morning sickness”. Psshh…morning sickness is a joke compared to that. He prescribed everything he could at the time, and of course nothing worked.  While we were still visiting, we got to see the baby for the first time. He said, “See that little gummy bear? That’s your baby”. My heart felt like it stopped as we heard our little Kainoa’s heart for the first time. All nausea subsided and I felt some excitement and spark enlighten my heart and mind since finding out I was pregnant.

As soon as we left, it hit again. The throwing up, the tormenting nausea, the weakness, all of it. A few more weeks pass and I’m passing out and waking up on the floor with vomit all over me. I see my husband surprisingly home from work, standing over me and leaning down to pick me up. He came home because I wasn’t answering phone calls from my family who was so concerned. They called him and alerted him. And I was so thankful for that. That day was the first time of many ER visits for an IV because of dehydration. I was 10 weeks into pregnancy and now down 15 pounds. How could life go on I thought. I am puking my guts out in the hospital’s ER bathroom when they called my name to go back. I couldn’t even walk to the nurses station to get my vitals checked. They put me in a wheel chair and rolled me back. None of their prescriptions or ginger capsules, or z pump worked. I cried and threw up so hard. I honestly thought my organs must of been shutting down because of how I had nothing in my system for days but my body kept coming up with stomach bile from who knows where to put out. The nurses reassured me that it would be over in 3 short weeks when the first trimester ends but I had my doubts.

On a spiritual level, I was heartbroken God wouldn’t perform a miracle. My condition was completely debilitating and I honestly thought I was dying at times. I was mentally traumatized and truly mad at God for the first time in my life. It wasn’t until I was able to have a conversation with my sister and friend about what bringing forth life costs. My friend shared with me a book (I can’t recall the name but will link it once I find it) all about how parenthood and sacrifice go hand in hand. Jesus could not bring forth life unless there was a sacrifice and the labor of his sacrifice which was the hardest part. The new life is what makes it worth it. I had lost perspective. Between puking my guts out and forcing anything down I was so mad at God yet simultaneously begging for a miracle with more faith than I ever had. I didn’t realize that no matter what happens, it’s going to be worth it. Even if I didn’t come out okay from the pregnancy, this baby was going to make it all worth it.  I didn’t think about how I was going to experience a love I had not before. I had not linked that parenthood is all sacrifice, which is ultimately love.

I shifted my mindset and perspective and decided to be excited. A few days after this, I found out we were having a baby boy. That helped a lot. It was a good distraction to think of names and imagine what this little guy was gonna be like. It sounds silly but whenever I was nauseas I would just remind myself of the baby boy I’m gonna meet and would focus on that until it all subsided. After 20 weeks into pregnancy and 20 pounds down, I was finally seeing this tormenting condition subside. THANK GOD. My OB was able to prescribe me Diclegis. I woke up the next morning after taking it for the first time and it was gone. Bam. Like God had appeared in the form of a capsule and I swallowed it down my throat. I had my uneasy moments after that, but even more learned lessons from it all.

I know of women who have lost up to 50 pounds and spend their whole pregnancy in the hospital. I’ve heard of them having seizures and have their other kids starving because they can’t take care of them. I am one of the lucky or blessed few that did not have to experience HG to that extent. Concerning my next pregnancy, I pray and hope that I magically don’t have to walk through the ugly world of HG again. But even if I do I’m willing to face it because I know of what a blessing I would be missing out on simply because of fear. I know that whatever we have to go through for our kids is completely worth it all. The blood, sweat, tears, and sleepless nights, puking sessions, stress, and all pain is absolutely worth it for them.